It is normal for families to fight over money, no matter their composition, but the situation can become even more complicated in caregiving families with limited resources. The cost of caregiving activities such as employing aides or nurses, purchasing supplies, and covering medical and pharmacy copayments can negatively affect the pocketbook.
According to AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving’s “Caregiving in the United States 2020” report, approximately one in five caregivers experience significant financial hardship as a result of providing care. This is especially true for caregivers who provide high-intensity care for more than 21 hours per week, who often drain their savings and go into debt.
However, these “disputes” are sometimes not only monetary but can also illustrate the difference in priorities among family members. The caregiver, the care recipient, and other family members may have different positions on various issues, and consequently, argue furiously. The result can be animosity that divides families during the caregiving years and beyond.
Find out some tips for maintaining a stable relationship and avoiding conflict, based on a guide from AARP:
- Reduce the tension level: A heated confrontation will not contribute anything to the situation. The family members must establish some basic rules about how they will maintain a respectful tone while resolving the differences: no shouting, no accusations, and no intentional hurtful attacks.
- Be empathetic: it is not enough to just not get angry. When family members who disagree feel that they are listened to as well as understood and that everyone is concerned about each other’s well-being, the bonds that bind them together are strengthened. Mutual empathy will strengthen the relationship and may even serve as a basis for later agreement on the same money issues.
- Decide important issues together: For major decisions that come along, such as selling the family home to help cover a parent’s nursing home care, all family members, even those who are not on the front lines of caregiving every day, should feel that their opinions are wanted and respected. It is usually those family members who feel their voice is not being heard who protest the loudest and trigger the most intense fights.
- If necessary, look for professional help: If family members and caregivers cannot find a way to stop arguing about money, they should consider meeting with a family pastoral counselor, a family therapist, or a licensed mediator.
But remember that non-violent disputes are normal and healthy, as long as they can be resolved satisfactorily and positively. Nevertheless, it is necessary to tone down these negative emotions and jointly discuss the decisions that are important to all parties.
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